Thursday, 11 October 2018


"Hmmm", mused Tony, "I can see rain clouds. It must be Tuesday"

Question: When is an investigation not an investigation?

Answer: When it doesn't investigate.

One thing which has always made me laugh is Tony Bennett's fondness for the awarding of grandious titles to his ranks of brain dead. "Researcher!", their avatar exclaims

And of course his band of knobheads are suddenly ''experts'', usually on an international stage. It's amazing how many global opinion leaders seem to flock to a tiny website with hardly any members whose DNA isn't a match to Baldylocks

So what do they do, if not 'investigate'?

They study. Specifically, they study the available evidence, which although plentiful in this case is not complete. There seems to be two camps on this - one which maintains that all the evidence which was available to the PJ is now available to us, and one which dreams of files withheld because of their significance or value, to be magically produced at some time in the future.

The truth is, both are wrong.

Files pertaining to the PJ investigation which were withheld were those which fulfilled certain criteria, rather than beng withheld because of any special significance. However, no evidence collected by UK forces, with the exception of that collected under an LOR and a few random items which appear to have slipped through, has been placed in the public arena. That is everything collected at the time and everything collected since, by Operation Grange.

So what Bennett and his Band of Buggers do is study what is available, which consists of an unknown perentage of the whole. 

Ah, but they DO investigate, I hear Verdi cry in the distance. Well, writing impertinent letters to people who were in PdL at the time or stalking the wrong Martin Smith do not count, I'm afraid.

They have conducted no interviews. 
They have spoken to no witnesses, unless in the process of making a nuisance of themselves.
They have commissioned no experts (Sit down Richard)
They have conducted no experiments (Not you, Darren)

They have done what we have all done - studied the available evidence, read the published accounts, perhaps educated ourselves about the jargon, the science, the law, procedures and practices. But none of them has investigated the case, not even Heriberto, the human octopus, whose 16ft long arms can snake their way across a room before making off with a child, pausing only to hopelessly misidentify a completely innocent woman in purple.

Don't get me wrong - I am all for studying this case. But let's call it what it is, and not make out like we are Magnum PI, strolling around Portugal in a bright shirt and comedy moustache.
Apart from Verdi, of course. The moustache suits her. 

Verdi was delighted to be starring in the remake - Sphagnum PI


  1. Ahh, the cesspit. Home of the greatest researchers since five cavemen discovered the reason for the searing pain on their arses, wasn't in fact due to elbow skin - that with arms outstretched, resembled a wrinkly ball-sack - but was actually down to them sitting in the fire, as opposed to around it.

    Such a fabulous team of cutting minds, that they actually believe - rinse and repeat - that Tony Bennett is able to continue repeating the same allegations he was given a 6 month suspended jail term for, before subsequently being given an uncharacteristically generous 93% reduction of costs he was ordered to pay, in a behind-closed-doors meeting with team McCann, as long as he's "careful".

    That the judge told Bennet to "be careful" is of course entirely feasible. Many is the time I have sat in court, and witnessed a defendant be found guilty of...let's say multiple burglaries...and be told by the judge, that in future, it's ok to force the front door, ransack the house, but could the defendant possibly observe a spot of etiquette, and leave his shoes at the door.

    Minds that - despite being unable to tie their own shoelaces without the instructional assistance of a McMinute video on how not to knot - have brought us so many fantastic(al) conclusions.

    How could we get by without some of these people? People who are leading lights in their specialist fields...

    Take Spammy Shazzy for example - a woman Bennett name-drops whenever someone places contradictory evidence before him (as he recoils in agony as a vampire presented with garlic bread on a sunny day).

    Should you ever find yourself in a situation whereby you need an innocent man to be named as a paedophile, by a woman with the special power that enables her the ability to slither round a lamppost, whilst wearing enough make-up to create a new face...Shaz is your go-to-woman.

    ...and we shouldn't forget the forgettable Verdi(ng on the border of uselessness)? A programmable cyborg who once stood up to Bennet, only to find herself outed by the shipping container headed hoolyloony, as not having the dangly parts she so loves to swing to the beat of "tick-tock, it's Sunday o'clock, we know our shit, and you do not"

    Bennett himself has brought us so many stunning claims over the years.

    Only recently the bovine-bonced bollock dropper, announced - on twitter - how he'd informed Richard D Hall that aliens don't exist.

    Quite how Mr Hall was expected to believe this, as the announcement resonated from a crewless mothership that had crash-landed upon the neck and shoulders of Joe Essex' great grandfather's neck and shoulders, is anyone's guess, but told it he was.

    I'm sure the PJ, Goncalo Amaral, and the Met stand in awe of these great minds, wondering why they never thought of inventing the invisible cloud, or thought to dismiss a stack of statements, in favour of a book written by an arguida.

    Heck, what with Bennett stating that Op Grange is a whitewash, and Scotland Yard so far being unable to find a patsy, perhaps they could ask Jill Havern to pronounce someone dead. Although it may pose a few problems when said dead person takes issue over their declared state of no longer breathing, as they eat their cornflakes, very much alive and well.

    I'd go on, but time is short -shorter for me, as I died last Sunday. Don't try and deny it, I don't care if you've seen me, you're unreliable and mistaken. Perhaps instead of me listing the things Bennett and his team of desearchers have published that are false, we could run a little competition...

    Have the bumbling idiots ever got anything right?

    Answers on a postcard to:

    Tony Bennett,
    This isn't a sandwich,
    Take it out of your mouth,
    You really are a fucking moron.

  2. I prefer "hairstyle like 2 weetabix smeared over the river tyne"

  3. Bennett has flipped.
    Doing basically the same post twice in quick succession.
    The 'Crusaders' are getting to him.

  4. I see Bennett is bringing out his other selves in the guise of different posters now to back his own arguments.
    How many has he got I wonder.
    Someone or two always seems to crawl out of the woodwork to praise him when things get tough in addition of course to the usual suspects Verdi and co.

  5. I love his comment about dissenters. Roughly...."Curiously, a number of similar people joined CMoMM at the same time determined to disrupt".
    Yeah, a whole gaggle of people got together, had a bit of a pow-wow over a couple of sweet sherries and decided to try and hoodwink the old coffin-dodger.
    Problem is, their theories hold as much water as his, just a different interpretation of the available information.
    It's clear that admin/mods are in contact off forum to head off these infernal dissenters.
    How curious !

    1. Yes,it is fairly obvious the big guns are coordinating their efforts to put down the rebellion.

  6. Nicely put NT. A word or two about Bennett on today.

    1. Excellent article, JB.
      Particularly enjoyed this bit:

      "point by tedious and ill-written point"
      Never has the essence of Bennett been more accurately captured. And thanks for the mention, btw.

      Strangely, of all the pieces I have written, the review of Gerry's radio performance was probably the most challenging. It's difficult to remain objective when it's Gerry McCann but it was like hearing an audition on the X Factor of such spectacular mediocrity that although you want to try to find something good to say about it, in reality you want to dive headfirst out of a window, shouting "Just stop, for fuck's sake; just stop"

    2. Excellent post mr b.smith. as time goes by the more my hope you are correct is becoming belief you are correct. I'll get popcorn in for act three.

    3. Verdi is flipping again!
      Deleting posts and telling others to stop posting.
      The medical men will be coming for her soon and bringing a straitjacket with them too.

  7. I see Bennett has been very careful this time not to use the word crusaders,after having the piss taken out of him on Cristobell about it.
    Now when replying to Phoebe he is calling them disruptors and time wasters.He is questioning her motives too saying they are to undermine the forum and its researchers.

    No one is allowed to disagree with his theory there...No one.

  8. BENNETT : By Examining Naked Nut, Everything's Totally Twisted

    VERDI : Vitriolic Engagement : Rather Disturbing Individual

    I might have started something...………….

    1. Verdi Visiting Every Rectum...Dung Ingested?
      Phoebe...Perfect Helping Of Eviscerating Bennets Excrememt

  9. Oh Verdi - wonderfully bigoted. That lovely imperious brusgue and peremptory manner - so endearing.
    I know all - you know f..k all....

  10. well, well well. Seems like a few home-truths makes me a dissenter/crusader and I appear now to be persona non grata over at CMoMM. How ever will I get over that awful catastrophe ?!!
    Bennett, a sometime solicitor, amazingly massages poll results for his benefit and uses phrases like "almost 100%" (it either is or it isn't) whilst Verdi, a sometime school ma'am, just upsets folk and constantly re-submits posts of yesteryear.
    It's all rather numbingly boring as they regurgitate old news and bash it about a bit to see if anything worthwhile drops out.
    In the meantime, the cabal of 5 or 6 regulars will eventually alienate/ban the rest and be able to pat each other on the back as a job well done.
    I very much doubt the apparent ever-growing attendance on that site to which Bennett recently alluded.

  11. On CMoMM just now (apologies for foul language !!)

    To be fair, you set of sanctimonious, pious cunts, most of this is true. Tony, you've been routinely eviscerated with polite discourse by Phoebe and you simply don't like it. absolute fucking bellend. Classic keyboard warrior and professional tit.

    The poster will soon be confined to the bin. A quality comment nonetheless........

    1. I'm banned from the pit so thanks for bringing that accross...give that poster a medal...genius ffs


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