Saturday, 12 May 2018


Hello readers

As you deserve something new to read, rather than an endless rehash of the Totman sighting, here's my take on one of Textusa's archive pieces she describes as "suggested reading"

You will see why. 😁


Clutter - From Here to TIMBUCKTOO

No matter how many times her carers told her off, Textusa still insisted on turning the furniture upside down to look for swingers

(Nov 8th, 2010)

If I had to elect what has fascinated me the most up to now in the Maddie McCann case, I would have to say, without hesitating a minute, that that had to be YOU
And she starts with a dose of flattery - Textaloons love a bit of that 

YOU, as the avid reader of blogs, like this one, that think, and adamantly defend, that Maddie is dead and that her parents have done all to obstruct justice.

And why do YOU fascinate me so? 
See? Still laying it on with a trowel 

Because I’ve seen YOU from the very beginning behaving like a monkey in a cage that jumps anxiously and goes after each and every peanut that is thrown at you from the outside by an unseen hand. 
And then, like other cult leaders before her, she abuses the flock, tells them they are bad, or stupid 

Before you think I’m insulting you, let me clarify you that I’m NOT
Er - you fucking ARE! 

No ONE that has ever been fooled has been fooled by own will. No one wakes up one morning and says "hmm... let me see where can I get fooled first today...". 
I have a feeling some of your readers might..... 

One is fooled because one has been masterfully misled. 
Listen up, folks - she is about to reveal how she does it 

And he who says he hasn’t been fooled is the biggest fool of all. 
Well, you would know, dear. 

Usually, those that master the techniques of deceit basically rely on the fact that the fooled firmly believe that they're unable to be fooled. 
Yes, you do. 

By the way, I do have a friend,
Poor sod 
who is no fool, that states that he has NEVER ever, been fooled one single time in his life. What he says has happened to him is that many, many times in his life he has paid to learn a lesson, a lesson in life, and the pricing has been variable in terms of money, pain and disappointment. 
He sounds an utter twat. I can see why you get on. 

I, for one, have been fooled by the “McCann machine”
You would be fooled and baffled by perforations, dear, so it's hardly a surprise. 

My difference with most is that I’m able to recognize and understand that, and, most importantly, am able to retrieve my steps back to where I knew I stood on solid ground and, from there, restart the journey. 
Or in other words "I am better than you, my mere minions. I am smarter and have powers you don't possess"

Have you ever read a wankier bit of self-publicity than this? 

You just have to read my initial theory, and verify that my opinion in many details have changed since. 
Hardly anything has changed and when it has it is because someone has pointed out that you were talking out of your gigantic backside

Now prepare yourself, dear reader, because the next bit will slay you. I would actually take a seat at this point, if I were you. 

That’s why I say, and repeat as many times needed, that the only golden rule that this blog has, is that it will never bend fact to theory, but always theory to fact. 

I think we should have that again, don't you?

"That’s why I say, and repeat as many times needed, that the only golden rule that this blog has, is that it will never bend fact to theory, but always theory to fact"

Now, I know at this moment you may be trying to reposition a rib, or dialling for an ambulance, or frantically trying to hold a hernia in place, but she really did just say that her blogs "always bend theory to fact" and not vice versa.

This is the blog that decided the entire cast of PdL 2007 were all swingers on the basis that she hadn't seen a photo of the table they dined at. Who, when presented with footage of the table, claimed it had been faked by a major news provider, who invented a zig-zagging, pausing Smithman and a pirouetting news reporter and who decided it was all a hoax because the esplanade was inadequate.

But no - she bends theory to fact. Always. Matron, the restraints please.

I must now compliment my faithful readers who’ve very early understood that we here are not in the habit of running after any peanut that is thrown in our direction, although, as human “monkeys” that we are, we have ran after a few bogey ones. 
Noooo - never runs after any peanut. That's why she altered her entire thesis on the basis of the fact that one tweeter intimated he wouldn't be first in the queue to give Kate McCann a good seeing-to. 

But together, YOU and us, we’ve been able tread the path this far;
Into the land of permanent ridicule, sadly 
we’ve led the way and you’ve corrected our every step.
I think "We've come up with the ludicrous scenarios and I've chucked out anyone who disagrees" would be a bit more accurate 
That results in what I deem the most important thing that has to be maintained at all costs: CREDIBILITY
"Yes, despatch, how long is that ambulance going to be, please? This is a REALLY bad hernia..." 

The reason why we, we and YOU, are so feared in many corners of the internet. 
Oh please stop. Please, for the sake of humanity, for common decency, just stop. You are not feared, petal. You are the subject of international mirth. People fear having their corneas burned away by your acres of turgid, incomprehensible prose. I know people who won't even look for fear it would trigger a coma - you are an object of utter ridicule. And deservedly so. 

We all have been intoxicated with wave after wave of false information.
Yes. From here. 
Most of it blatant of its falsehood,
Absolutely blatant, yes 
while other has come coveted, varying in complexity of disguise. 
Actually, you are about as much a master of disguise as a giraffe trying to get into an elephants-only disco by wearing a vacuum-cleaner hose as a false trunk 

This forced feeding of information has been done masterfully and beautifully, for our foes were, and are, worthy. 
Oh for fucks sake, this is not the Crusades, you mad old bint 

No, not speaking about the McCanns, for they are far from being worthy on anything but their stupidity and arrogance, nor, please, Clarence, for that individual confuses an echo of his hollow head with voices of wisdom such is the imense empty space there.
Oh of course not. And it's ''immense'', by the way, seeing as we are on the subject of stupidity. 

I’m talking about those who’ve set up a formidable machine of deceit. And they were almost totally successful. 
Okay folks, here we go - tinfoil hat time 

Let me explain first their intent, and then, using an example, their achievement. 
If you would, that would be lovely, as everything so far has been a waste of time 

The intent is to block us away from reality by highlighting the illogical and absurd, mixing it up with logical and real information, in the just right amount in quantity and quality of deceitfulness so that the information as a whole becomes so complex that we lose completely track of it and are even physically incapable of ever locating the truth wherever it may have been. 
Okay - so who is it that's doing this? Who is mixing up the real and the unreal so that your tiny brain can't process it? 

When conclusions based on some, or total, intentionally misleading information become assumptions, that will base subsequent sets of conclusions that, in turn, become future assumptions, one can easily see that one not only is lost, but most important, one doesn’t even have that the faintest idea where one is.
Well, I certainly don't have the faintest idea where you are and neither, I suspect, do you. So, once again - who is doing this? 

Aggravated by the fact that one really thinks one knows exactly where one is. 

Have I made sense?
I usually don’t,
So very, very true 
but by now I do count on your patience. 
Any fucker that can spend 3 hours wading through this shit has patience by the bucket-load. 

The masterpiece bout the Maddie case, from the Black Hat side, is that they’ve been able to create this fake reality, and YOU’ve swallowed it line, hook and sink. 
Ah - I think we have our "Who"
It's the Black Hats

Who are they? Fuck knows.

But remember, ''you've'' swallowed it. Not her. Because she's SO clever 

Every peanut that flew by, in slow-motion, you jumped gleefully to catch it even before it hit the ground. 
Like the monkeys that she thinks you are. 

No, obviously, not talking about if there was, or not, an abduction. I’m talking about their best HOAX: them being neglectful. 
Ah, okay. That's what she is on about 

We’ve heard it, and dutifully repeated, that these monsters were capable of leaving their kids alone night after night, so they could go away to get boozed silly, as we’ve also heard that a certain couple was so monstrous that after learning, one morning, that their own little girl had felt abandoned the night before (a neighbor would later confirm that she had in fact been wailing away, terrorized by her solitude), had been capable to behave in the exact same manner that same night. 
Well, that is what they did, in fact, do. Except you are going to declare that didn't happen. You see, this is where you fall down immediately, you and your ''No Neglect'' followers. You can only carry that scenario if you then make innocent people part of the story. So you gleefully do. 

Terrible, terrible people, or are they really? 
Yes, they are terrible 

It’s now time for one of "my analogies", to exemplify the above said. 
Oh fuck. Save yourselves, readers. It's too late for me. 

Imagine that you’re having an affair with your neighbor’s spouse. 
I'd rather not, if you don't mind. He's 94. 

One day, while sneaking out of your neighbor’s house, you trip and break a leg. 
One of my own? Because if it's yours that needs breaking, I don't want to queue-jump. 

As always, it’s a simple scenario, but in this case with a pinch of sex so as not to disappoint my detractors.
I am not so sure it is going to be that simple, to be honest..... 

You now have the problem of besides having a broken leg to deal with, you have to make sure that both your spouse and your neighbor are unable to make a linkage between that fact and the circumstances in which it occurred. 
Was I sneaking out of an upstairs window? Because tripping on the neighbour's drive isn't going to require that much explanation, frankly, unless I am wearing a gimp suit and mask. 

As there’s evidently something wrong with your leg, the only thing you can do is fiddle around with facts that led to your leg to being in the state it is: broken. 
And I would need to because? I fell over while popping around to the neighbours. What's complicated about that? 

And IF you can successfully convince them of a completely different set of "facts" for your leg to be the way it is, then your secret shall remain safe and sound as your other leg. 
Fell from a helicopter? Slugged by a burglar carrying a baseball bat? Abducted by leg-breaking aliens? 

You have two choices. You either lie, and hope you lover is and will remain so, completely in synch, plus hope that no other neighbor saw you tripping where you happened to have tripped, or you lie in such a way that it will be impossible for anyone to know what both of you are up to, at least by way of discovering the real reason you broke the leg. 
Or you could say "Look, I tripped, okay? It's no big deal. Now call a fucking ambulance" 

And how do you do that? 
I'm sure we're all dying to know 

You spread your front yard with the biggest amount of clutter possible so that when both you neighbor and your spouse arrive, it will be completely logic to tell them that your leg is in the state that it is because you tripped over the wheelbarrow. 
Although less logical to contemplate how you are going to move all this clutter when you have a broken leg.

So just to be clear, you breaking your leg will make them suspicious, but the fact that half their worldly possessions are scattered over the lawn, won't? You don't think the conversation will go something like "Oh my god, your leg is broken - and more to the point, what the fuck is my mother's china cabinet doing leaning against the garage?"

And if any of them asks why was the wheelbarrow there where it was, logic is completely irrelevant, as the only relevant logic at this point is the one that determines that you tripped over THAT wheelbarrow.
No, I think the wheelbarrow would be quite important, as in "What the fuck is the wheelbarrow doing there?" 

That is what is relevant, that this message, however illogical it may be, IT IS POSSIBLE TO HAVE HAPPENED, so can be taken for reality. 
As in "I am not surprised you fell over the wheelbarrow, but what the fuck was it doing there?" 

Even if around that wheelbarrow there are so many other things that shouldn't be there in the first place, what matter is that it is feasible that you tripped over THAT particular wheelbarrow and not over anything else. 
I think you are over-estimating the ability of your spouse to overlook the fact that it appears a tornado has blown the house away but left all their belongings behind, tbh. 

As the neighbor’s spouse, your lover, is in this as deep as you are, it will be quite easy to convince both your spouse and your neighbor that it was joint decision, from you both, that the furniture of both of houses needed airing out.
It needed what?! 

That explains why you pushed your couch onto the driveway, and the coffee table by the tree house, next to the bookcase. 
So let's pause there a moment.

Your suggestion is that you would cover up for the leg broken whilst returning home from your shagfest by hobbling about on one leg and dragging the furniture onto the lawn.

And this will make them LESS suspicious, not more? 

At this point, you’re wondering about my sanity,
Not for the first time 
but just take a minute and see to where your own mind as wandered to: the absurdity of the scenario, the lack of logic in all said… and that is where I want your mind, as well as “your” spouse’s & neighbor’s minds, to wander to: as far away possible from what I’m (you’re) trying to hide from them, and dive right into the wonderful world of absurdity from which there’s no return. 
Well, it is certainly absurd, so you achieved that. As for making them less suspicious, I doubt that very much. 

When these two innocent souls arrive home, it’s perfectly logical for them that you've hurt yourself on that wheelbarrow, so their minds will struggle to make some sense out of the completely senseless scenario before them. 
Seriously? You think they will be focused on the wheelbarrow and not the fact that you appear to have started the day with a catastrophic brain injury? 

And why is it senseless?
Because it is 
Because you've assured that it was, didn't you? 
No - because it is. 

You can now just say that you decided that you felt that your dining room table needed a walk to stretch her legs, like any other pet, and that is what you decided to do. 
At which point they will call a different kind of ambulance; one with very burly male paramedics and a lot of padlocks 

The neighbor’s spouse, your lover, fact known only to you, "confirms" seeing you through the living room window, decided also, there and then, that their settee needed some exercise too… 
Make that two ambulances..... 

And, oh so surprisingly, you both realized that all of a sudden you had most of your furniture outside. 
Remember that you are going to have to create this scenario sporting a broken leg. Quick question: How many removal men turn up on crutches? 

You can even say that now that you think about it, you think you should have stopped the whole thing when you ALMOST slipped at your neighbors door when both of you were carrying the couch out the door (thus defending against any possible sneaky neighbor saying that you were seen falling where you did fall), but you only stopped, when, trying to push the bedside table out of the way for the sideboard to pass, that you tripped over the wheelbarrow and really hurt yourself. 
I think I've seen this film - were Laurel and Hardy in it? 

No, I’m not being crazy, but both your spouse and your neighbor will think you are. 
Yes they will. So how does this help? 

So what?

Is it REALLY important that they think you are crazy? No, it’s not. 
It will be when they have had you both committed and moved away to start a new life together in Mexico 

You know you’re not and what is important is that they don’t suspect what you two are really up to. You want to get off the hook, and you're on your way out of it...
And instead into a whole world of shit 

Rather be known as the neighborhood oddball than the local slut. 
You won't be saying that when you are strapped into your bed every night and the nurses cut your food up for you because you are not allowed sharp objects 

In the end, you had your way. You made up all the reality in which your spouse and you neighbor made their judgments upon. 
I bet you feel great now, gazing out from your barred window 

Honest conclusions they reached, but on misled data . 
And still with a broken leg. 

And by placing carefully a layer of a deceit on top of another, making sure the latter always confirms the insanity both of you, the truth is, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, lost somewhere. 
Yes - but you made matters worse, you desperate idiot 

With just a bit of luck, bith your spouse and your neighbor might just arrange, for practical reasons, that you and your lover stay together under the same roof when either of them is away… 
I think it's far more likely they'll be staying under the same roof, in Mexico, while you and loverboy try to explain to ranks of highly qualified specialists why you took the furniture for a walk 

Plus, your spouse and your neighbor may now question, discuss, debate, argue over and about ALL the possible reasons for such an erratic behavior of you both that particular afternoon. 
Yes. In bed. 

They can even theorize about why you saved the living room from the “walk” while your neighbor insisted that the whole office needed fresh air. 
Only if you have 'infected' them with your madness. They are more likely to spend days laughing their arses off at the footage from the hidden camera they installed when they first realised the two of you were shagging. 

They can go back and forth on whats, the whys and whatfors that you two decided, or not, to put, on the front lawn and the whys and whatfors you two didn't use the much of the available space in the back of both your houses.
And piss themselves laughing at you attempting to do it all with a broken leg 

They can questions this and much more, and you can keep answering all with whatever ridiculous answer you wish to give, as you know, what is being discussed is effectively ridiculous, and has no possibility to lead anywhere near to where you don't want the discussion to go into. 
Of course it won't, dear. Matron, more ketamine please 

More importantly, they can come to whatever conclusion they wish to come to because it’s unimportant and completely irrelevant. 
Not to them. In Mexico. 
Fred and his new lady soaking up some rays 

Much like all the conclusions YOU’ve reached, these past three and a half years, from all the peanuts that YOU’ve been catching, and that they keep throwing and you keep chasing. 
Oooh, time for another quick insult for the troops 

I hope YOU now understand why that whenever I read that the Tapas have been neglectful, I cringe. 
Well, it must bring back unhappy memories of that broken leg you invented. We understand. 

And I hope that soon I’ll be able to make you understand why Mrs Fenn was just an full bedroom set somewhere on the lawn, whilst the Gaspars were just an armchair….

Okay - I will try to explain

Textusa's theory is that the McCann children were never left alone and the neglect was just a smokescreen to cover up the swinging.

Because - and try to get your head around this - it is better to be thought a neglectful parent who leaves their children alone to cry in the night, scared, tired, needing cuddles and reassurance, at risk to ALL the dangers which could befall an unsupervised child, including death, than it is to be known as a swinger.

That is her point. Sorry it took so long to get there.

Also, it is worth knowing that if you ever find your spouse lying gravely injured amongst your household possessions scattered on the lawn, you need to be aware of two things

1. They are shagging the neighbour
2. You are married to Textusa. Leave. Leave now......

1 comment:

  1. God help Fred, that's if he's real in the first place.


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