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Wednesday, 23 September 2015

A short time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.............

Scene 1 


It was a crucial time on Planet Fuckwit

The massed ranks of the Bennettoids had been deployed by their balding leader, with the following war cry:

"Destroy the Last Photo doubters, men! 

Remember, we have the leading experts in the world on our side. 

The photo has not been altered!"

"Apart from the date, Tony?"

"Oh yes, apart from the date of course......."

"And how do we know the date was changed, oh malodorous one?"

"Because it was sunnier on the Sunday"

"Well, yes, but it was sunny on the Thursday too and it would only need to be sunny for a bit, so...."

"Blasphemer!!!!!! It was taken on the Sunday. I have decreed it....."

"But I was only saying......"

"Jill!!!! ...."

Scene 2

Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, The Textaloons were gathering......

"Tell us how to think, Oh revered one" they cried.

Textusa blushed, winningly.

"Just try to be wonderfully clever, like me" she gushed "and use as many acronyms as you can"

"WTF?" they LOL-ed

"Worry not, lowly minions ..." Textusa cried

 " I will baffle them with a JMEL, a VIOUB and a negligence pirouette. They won't see it coming. Just remember, if you are challenged fall back and regroup, using an approved chant"

"You mean "Amelie has no arm, Amelie has no arm" one loon asked?

"Or 'The reflection is all wrong, show us yer angles, show us yer angles?" suggested another

"Well done, my children" said Textusa, pausing to read a chapter of Physics for Knobheads

"I have thrown down a challenge to Baldybonce, to meet us at the Valley of the Facebook. Take up your arrows and your highlighter pens, and prepare for battle!!"


To be continued..........


8 comments:

  1. Too scared to put your name to your blog?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My name is none of your business.

      Anything else I can help you with, dear?

      Delete
  2. No, just continue being yet another nameless keyboard warrior nonentity. You're doing very well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh do fuck off, dear. You're boring me.

      Delete
  3. Not Textusa is sheer genius. It's the only antidote to madness for anyone unfortunate to have read one of "its" blog posts. Keep up the good work. And yes, fuck off Isobel!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I would thank you, but according to the arsewipe below I wrote this myself. So thank you. Or alternatively, thank me. (Delete as appropriate according to degree of tinfoilhattery)

      Delete
  4. Still writing your own 'In praise of Me' comments I see?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear - is that really the best you can manage?

      Do go away, petal, if you're not capable of contributing anything worth reading

      Delete

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