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Wednesday, 12 June 2013

So what's all this about a table, then?

Seeing as Textusa appears to have gone to ground, I thought I'd fill you in on another of her barmy theories. So steel yourselves and get stuck into this little gem

http://textusa.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/swan-lake-act-3.html

(DO NOT attempt to read this with a full bladder. Seriously)

In this entertaining post we are treated to a glimpse of what goes on in the head of someone who is totally and utterly deranged. Well, I say that - but it is difficult sometimes to work out whether Textusa actually believes the horseshit she writes, or whether she is merely having a huge laugh at the expense of her readers.

After wittering on for several interminable pages about, well, fuck all really, she finally gets around to the main act. A short video clip of journalist Martin Brunt, sitting at the table in the tapas bar where the McCann party sat each night. We can clearly see it is a large table. It is the kind of table which could seat nine for dinner.

Now - this film pisses on Textusa's chips somewhat, as she has already claimed that the table didn't exist, and nor did the tapas dinners.

Faced with the fact that footage of Mr Brunt sitting at the very table she said could not exist meant that her loopy theory was  - and I use this term advisedly - fucking nuts, she has to set about destroying the alibi.

In a passage of prose unrivaled in its ability to make the reader spray coffee out of their nostrils, she declares that the image has been ''digitally remastered''
Describing in great detail the imaginary ''flickering edge'' of the table, she litters the post with nonsensical bits of cobblers such as ''negligence pirouette'' (seriously, you don't want to know) and ''ballerina tables''

It is the biggest load of conspiralunacy you will ever read. The Emperor's new clothes is not a patch on this.

So do have a read. Especially read the comments at the end. I can only think Textusa has managed to tap into a rich seam of fuckwits, prepared to believe this unmitigated bollocks. Either that or she is up all night writing the comments herself. Enjoy. Just don't hurt yourself.

Martin Brunt is 58.

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