Sunday, 22 May 2016

Coming soon.......

Apologies for my prolonged break, normal service will be resumed soon. In the meantime, here's something to be going on with .............

Thursday, 25 February 2016


I don't like liars

I specifically don't like liars who ask me to leave their blog then lie about the reason why I went.

Enjoy the quiet

Thursday, 11 February 2016


Some Textaloon is getting snotty with me about a link to the fact that there are at least 45 restaurants in PdL

S/he keeps demanding a link. This is bone idleness, basically

So I'm going to put the link here and see if she notices

That shows 45 restaurants for which there are tripadvisor reviews. There may of course be others for which no reviews currently exist

Anyway, shhhh

We'll see how long it takes them to catch on......

PS - seriously, you could not write this stuff, no-one would believe you

The human skidmark came back to complain that I was ''making it up'' and that there isn't 45 restaurants in PdL

Then helpfully provided a link to a list of 64

Ooops, it's back again

It lists cafes, pubs/bars, hotels and restaurants and many have the same letter.
It can be 64 or any other number. It's not 45. I still would like to see your 45 restaurant list.

Well, it's been here the whole time :D

And your list, which is split into different categories, lists 43 as ''restaurants''

So that's slightly more than your claim that there was, er, zero  


Friday, 5 February 2016

A Fuckclutch of Textaloons


Well, this won't take long at all.....

Friday, 5 February 2016

A Triumph of Tycoons

The search for a collective noun for Textaloons continues - favourites include 'Calamity' 'Dangleberry' and 'Fuckclutch'

This post is a follow-up of our “Carman” post of last week.

Oh good. Two non-posts in a row. Continue..... 

There is no collective noun to describe tycoons, so we came up with our own – a triumph.

Oh please...... 

Stephen Winyard, owner of Stobo Castle health spa in Scotland and resident of Monaco, was the first tycoon to be named as a financial supporter of the McCanns. By May 10th 2007, Mr Winyard was reported to have made the offer of a million pound reward for information leading to the return of Madeleine. The offer was made earlier in the week through The Times.

Yes, we know all this............. 

Nothing more was written about Mr Winyard until December 2007, by which time, a triumph of tycoons had materialised, including John Geraghty. Mr Winyard is the answer to the questions we posed about the tests on the car stored in Mr Geraghty’s garage.  It was Mr Winyard who paid for the tests and who spoke about the results of the report refuting the claims made by the Portuguese police.

Mr Geraghty is hardly a tycoon. And it's always been known who paid for the tests 

We are informed that it was Gerry McCann who had requested financial help from Mr Winyard in September and that Mr Winyard had “broken cover” to highlight the findings of the report, by Home Office - approved forensic scientists. 

You are informed? Just as the whole world was when this was covered in the press 9 years ago? 

The Scotsman article of December 8 2007 by Michael Howie “Scots tycoon attacks 'scurrilous allegations' as he comes out as McCanns' secret funder” gives us all the details:

There now follows the aforementioned press in full: 

“ONE of Scotland's most wealthy businessmen can today be revealed as the mystery donor helping fund the fight to clear the names of Madeleine McCann's parents.  

Stephen Winyard, who owns the luxury Stobo Castle spa in Peebleshire, has spoken publicly for the first time since pledging £100,000 to help meet the escalating legal costs of Gerry and Kate McCann. 
In an exclusive interview with The Scotsman, Mr Winyard revealed he has already paid for DNA tests carried out on the Renault Scenic hire car used by the McCanns nearly four weeks after Madeleine's disappearance. 


The 58-year-old father-of-three has remained in the shadows since offering a £1million reward for four-year-old Madeleine's return in May. But he said he could no longer remain silent as "scurrilous allegations" continue to be directed towards Mr and Mrs McCann. 

He said he wanted to highlight the results of the tests on DNA recovered from the car, and on hair samples from Kate McCann and Madeleine's brother and sister. 

Portuguese police believe that DNA recovered from the boot of the car suggest Madeleine's body was carried inside the vehicle. 

Meanwhile, Portuguese newspapers have alleged that hair samples from Kate and Gerry McCann's children show the couple sedated the two-year-old twins, Sean and Amelie, and Madeleine on the night she disappeared. 

Mr Winyard stated that the findings of their own tests, by Home Office-approved forensic scientists, refuted these claims. 

"The reason I am breaking cover is to highlight the findings of that report," he said. "The conclusion of the report was that no DNA was found that in any way implicated Gerry and Kate in Madeleine's disappearance. 

"The further test that was commissioned, basically a hair drug test, also refuted the fairly scurrilous accusation that the twins were sedated or that Kate took sedatives herself." 

Mr Winyard, who splits his time between Stobo Castle and his home in Monaco, was approached by Gerry McCann for financial help in September. 

The businessman agreed to offer an initial sum of £100,000 - a figure matched by Virgin tycoon Sir Richard Branson. 

Double-glazing magnate Brian Kennedy is also donating money to help the McCanns clear their name. 

Mr Winyard said the three were sharing the costs between them. "I think the McCanns are entitled to the best legal defence they can muster to refute these scurrilous allegations. 

"I remain absolutely confident there is totally insufficient evidence to link them to Madeleine's disappearance and I'm absolutely confident that in the fullness of time they will be fully exonerated," he said. 

Mr Winyard "simply could not stand by and watch" as the couple endured the worst possible hell. "I think you have to be a parent to fully understand, to some degree, what they're going through, to understand their loss," he said. 

Mr Winyard, who has met Gerry twice and Kate once, said the couple "deeply resented" the allegations made against them in the Portuguese press. 

"Their main concern is to get their suspect status lifted so that the search for Madeleine can continue. 

"Some of the reporting in the British press has been less than fair. The blanket coverage of every aspect of their lives, the littlest things that they do, creates, I think, the impression in people's minds that they are somehow responsible for what happened to Madeleine." 

"This is all to do with getting the focus back on finding Madeleine. Both Gerry and Kate have been through an absolute nightmare over the last seven months and they're facing some very difficult weeks with Christmas coming up." 

Mr Winyard criticised the lack of public support offered to the McCanns by the Prime Minister. Gordon Brown initially spoke to the McCanns several times on the phone. But since they were declared suspects by the Portugese authorities, lines of communication had come to a halt. 

"This government was elected to look after its citizens," said Mr Winyard, "and it's fair to say it's a fundamental principle of our legal system that everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty. 

"With that in mind, I would really strongly urge that Gordon Brown, who has previously been really supportive, accede to our request for a meeting at ministerial level." 

He acknowledged that the McCanns' decision to leave their children in their apartment at Praia da Luz while they dined had "divided opinion". 

"It is something the McCanns will have to live with," he said. 

A Downing Street spokesman said: "We do not comment on ongoing cases."”

Brian Kennedy, double glazing tycoon and Virgin tycoon Richard Branson had agreed to share the costs, specifically for the best legal defence for the McCanns. In the Telegraph article by Fiona Govan of November 20 2007, “McCann team tests car for traces of Madeleine Kennedy confirmed tests had taken place: “We did our own tests on the hire car and found no traces of Madeleine.”

We can only assume that these tests were the ones said to have been done by those “scientists, wearing protective white suits and using the latest techniques and equipment, dismantled the car in the double garage of a Pounds 1 million villa owned by a friend of the McCanns-wealthy British tycoon John Geraghty, 68” as stated in the News Of The World article of September 30 2007 by Dominic Herbert “Undercover Brits’ secret tests on car”.

Geraghty, who up to last week everyone thought had connections with Leicester, which he didn’t, and who up to then everyone also thought was a completely different man physically:

Only those idiots who had viewed a conspiraloon's video in which it was said ''I think this must be John Geraghty''...... 
Not the same man. #earthshattering #sowhat

Presumably, Branson as a financial contributor was also aware of the findings, but as Geraghty was not referred to as one of the financial donors, was he also informed of the report’s findings?

What difference does it make? 
There is no reference to these tests in the PJ files and no further mention of them after December 2007.

Of course there isn't. They were nothing to do with them 

In conclusion, we still don’t know:

Which Home Office - approved scientists conducted and reported on the tests.

Because it's none of your business  

Who, apart from Mr Winyard, Kennedy and probably Branson, were informed of the results.

Because it's none of your business  

Whether these results were sent to any police force.

Because it's none of your business. But almost certainly not

Why results supposedly favourable to the McCanns were never referred to by the McCanns or their immediate circle and were not forwarded to the PJ at the time, or the FSS in Birmingham.

Do you actually understand how a ''Defence'' works, Textusa? 

Acknowledgement: We would like to acknowledge Crimeshots through which we found the Scotsman article quoted in current post.

And also Google, who recovered it in 0.00000000001 seconds  

Monday, 1 February 2016

A Conspiracy by any other name

Evening all.

Just a quick one for now as the mad out trout has got the old red pen out again, and refuses to publish anything containing the word ''Conspiracy''

She is very sensitive about this - she hates anyone pointing out that she is a conspiraloon.

Anyway, here is the post which she won't publish.........

A conspiracy is defined as
"a secret plan by a group to do something unlawful or harmful"
A cover-up in which you allege hundreds of people took part is, by definition, a conspiracy. Unless you are suggesting they all acted totally independently, which you are not.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Evening all

Apologies for my absence - rather a busy time of year for me

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible 


Saturday, 2 January 2016

Post script

As we have been receiving a number of last minute nominations, the deadline for the annual awards has been extended to 3rd Jan.

So if you know someone who has been a complete gobshite over the last 12 months it's not too late to show your appreciation

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

The Annual Nottextusa Awards for Outstanding Fuckwittery

Afternoon all.

Well, the end of the year draws near and it would be remiss of me to allow 2015 to slip into the ether without acknowledging some fine, noteworthy fuckwittery, gobshittedness or foilhattery in the field during these last 12 months.

So I can exclusively announce that the categories are as follows:

Biggest Troll

Most Feeble Comeback

Best Performance by a Supporting Sock

Most Obvious Sock

Most Cringeworthy Moment

The "More Tinfoil, Matron" award for Spectacular Conspiralunacy

The Best Use of Knowledge Gained from Wikipedia

The Most Outrageous Fibber

The Pedro McSporran Memorial award - a special award in the gift of the academy, for spectacular fuckwittery above and beyond the call of duty

The Antony Bennett Memorial Gobshite of the Year award

.....the evening rounds off with the most sought after award of all

The Twat of the Year, 2015

Competition is, naturally, fierce, but it's not too late to nominate your favourite. 
Entries close on 30th December.